And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
