Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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