So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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