So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
