and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
