I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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