john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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