she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize