last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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