I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
