He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
