I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
