Will you blow on my dice?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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