woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
