You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
