you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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