I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
