Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
