I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
