you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
