Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
