i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize