I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
