also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
