I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
