he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize