talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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