WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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