i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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