I wish I could teleport
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
