one word: firstdatebathroomanal
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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