another moral hangover. fuck.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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