my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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