I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
