pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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