I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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