dude i'm inner monologue high
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
