he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
