8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
