And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
