Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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