Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
