Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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