I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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