A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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