i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
