Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
