Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
