I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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