She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
