I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
