Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
