Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
