Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
