I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
