you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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