I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
