so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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