I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
