you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
