dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize